As parents, one of our greatest hopes is that our children grow to be happy, healthy, resilient and confident. But what does supporting that development actually look like in everyday life?
Recently, Futuro families had the opportunity to hear from Dr Kathryn Murray, the internationally recognised early childhood professional, keynote speaker and creator of the Brain-SET Formula, as she explored children's developing brains, behaviour, relationships and the environment we create around them.
Throughout the evening, one message stood out:
A calm brain is a thinking brain.
It's a simple idea, but one that can change the way we think about children's behaviour, learning and emotional wellbeing.
Understanding the Developing Brain
The early years are an extraordinary period of brain development. Children are constantly building neural pathways through their everyday experiences, touching, moving, exploring, experimenting, communicating and making sense of the world around them.
This means the seemingly ordinary moments of childhood are incredibly important.
When children have opportunities to explore, try something new, make mistakes and try again, they are developing much more than a particular skill. They are building problem-solving, independence, resilience, creativity and confidence.
As adults, our instinct can sometimes be to step in and make things easier. But when it is safe to do so, allowing children to experience something that doesn't quite go to plan gives them the opportunity to discover that mistakes are okay, challenges can be worked through and they are capable of trying again.
Connection Comes First
Children are social beings, and relationships play a fundamental role in their development.
When children feel safe, secure and connected, they are better placed to explore, experiment and take appropriate risks in their learning. They know that if something doesn't work, they have a trusted person and a secure environment to return to.
A connection doesn't have to be complicated.
Dr Kathryn encourage families to make time to look at their children, listen to them and show genuine interest in what they have to say. Even brief moments of intentional, uninterrupted connection can be meaningful.
Try asking:
- What made you laugh today?
- What was something fun you did?
- What surprised you today?
- What did you wonder about today?
And then, perhaps most importantly, really listen to the answer.
Boundaries Help Children Feel Safe
Boundaries aren't simply about telling children what they can and can't do. Clear, consistent boundaries provide predictability, security and safety.
Routines can help children understand what to expect throughout the day, whether that's getting ready in the morning, sitting down for meals or preparing for bedtime.
When we establish a boundary, we also need to be prepared to follow through calmly and consistently. Children may test boundaries, particularly when something is new, but consistency helps them understand that the adults around them are predictable and reliable.
Preserving Childhood
One of the beautiful reminders from the evening was the importance of simply allowing children to experience childhood.
Children need opportunities to play, be bored, create, explore and solve problems for themselves. They don't always need an adult to provide the activity, entertainment or answer.
In fact, boredom can be an invitation for imagination.
Simple, open-ended materials and uninterrupted time to play allow children to develop their own ideas, construct their own games, experiment and extend their thinking.
Children also need opportunities for things not to go perfectly.
A tower might fall down. A plan might not work. They might need several attempts to master something new. When these experiences happen within safe, supportive relationships, children begin to learn:
I can experience something difficult, work through it and try again.
That is resilience developing in everyday life.
Small Moment of Connection Make a Big Difference
When we talk about connection, it can be easy imagine that we need to find large amounts of uninterrupted time or plan special experiences with our children.
The good news is that connection happens in the small moments.
Warm, responsive, back-and-forth interactions with caregivers help build important foundations for children's brain development, emotional wellbeing, communication and relationships.
Some parenting approaches suggest setting aside a short period of uninterrupted, child-led time each day as a practical way to strengthen connection. But there is no magic number. Even brief moments of genuine, focused connection throughout the day can be meaningful.
Think about the moments that are already happening:
At breakfast: Sit together and talk about what you're looking forward to that day.
In the car: Ask you child about something they noticed, enjoyed or wondered about.
While getting dressed: Give them time to try things themselves and encourage their efforts.
While cooking: Invite them to help, taste, stir or simply talk alongside you.
During play: Spend a few minutes letting your child choose what to do while you follow their lead.
After a difficult moment: Come down to their level, acknowledge how they feel and help them return to a sense of safety and connection.
At bath time: Slow down, chat and have a laugh together.
At bedtime: Read a story, have a cuddle or talk about the best part of their day.
These moments don't need to be elaborate, perfectly planned or particularly long. What matters is that children experience the adults around them as available, responsive and genuinely interested in their world.
To a developing brain, these seemingly ordinary moments are anything but ordinary.
And Remember - This Applies to Us Too
One of the most important reminders from the evening was that our brains need regulation too.
When we are calm and regulated, we are better able to support children through their big emotions, respond thoughtfully and provide the sense of safety they need from us.
Parenting isn't about getting every interaction right. There will be busy mornings, difficult bedtimes, big emotions and moments when things don't go to plan.
What matters is that we keep finding our way back to connection.
Because:
A calm brain is a thinking brain - and that includes ours.
As Dr Kathryn reminded our families, giving children the opportunity to experience childhood, to play, explore, connect, make mistakes and try again, can go a long way towards developing confident, capable and resilient human beings.
At Futuro, these ideas strongly reflect the way we view children: as capable, curious learning whose development is supported through secure relationships, meaningful experiences and environments that give them the freedom to explore, wonder and grow.